This week, I tweeted that I was giving out compliments for FREE – all you had to do was e-mail me. One of the first responders was Etienne over at The Happy Employee. Giving him a compliment was easy – I’ve been a fan of his blog and the innovative content he serves up for a while. In fact, I was able to share two specific examples of how his content had helped me in my consulting practice. His reaction to my compliment was very positive. Ironically, he had recently been doubting a bit as to whether or not his thoughts were cutting-edge. Thus, to get complimented on this very subject had been quite validating for him. Not to mention, it felt great knowing my compliment was helpful.
The exchange with Etienne proved my point: When done right, compliments are extremely powerful. It also led to an idea. What if we decided to challenge everyone out there to give more compliments in the workplace? Here’s why:
1. Compliments and appreciation are two different things. People tend to overuse appreciation and under-utilize compliments on-the-job.
2. Compliments are free, and thus, a great work perk that can be distributed by both management AND employees during economic downturns and corporate cutbacks.
3. Compliments improve relationships between two people.
4. Compliments feel good to give and receive.
Etienne even suggested we take the challenge up a notch. You see, we both agreed that giving a compliment to someone you like is easy, but what if you had to give a compliment to someone you didn’t like? Here’s his challenge:
“Imagine you have a gun to your head and MUST make a compliment to the most annoying employee you have ever met. Imagine who this person is, remember why this person was/is so annoying (and by all means, tell us about it), and then, come up with a compliment for this person. But there’s a catch. The gun to your head is from the future (comes with batteries and artificial intelligence). So, if what you say is in any way cynical or dishonest, you will be disintegrated, without any hesitation or second thoughts.”
If you need a refresher on what it takes to give a great compliment, read this.
Now, we’ll ask you again: Do you have what it takes? We dare you to give it a try. Then, come post your experience and tell us all the details. Who knows? Together, we just might change more than a few workplace relationships. Or, at the very least, seriously shock some people with kindness. Sounds to me like we can’t lose!
Stumble It!
[...] training, productivity « Did You Just Take the CAREEREALISM Career-Readiness Quiz? Workplace Challenge: Do YOU Have What it Takes to Give A Great Compliment? [...]
Great challenge! I used to do this all the time with a volunteer that hated me, who knows why… I genuinely liked her though and would do this a lot. We remain on good terms today so I would say it worked
Good to hear from you. Hope you’re well!
I remember a co-worker that didn’t do anything. We picked up the slack for him. Problem was, no one was going to fire him. Not sure why. Whatever. Anyway. Compliment to him: “You never get stressed under pressure. I remember when there were people missing (we worked as RA’s for a program), you were positive they would return. And you were right. It reminds me that things don’t always go as planned. And when that happens, it’s better not to get crazy about it. Instead roll with the punches. Just like that Tom Cruise/Jamie Fox movie…nice goatee by the way.”
There is an employee I work with who is incredibly self-centered, manipulative, and tests the limits of what she can get away with like a velociraptor testing the security at Jurassic Park.
So here is my compliment: I am impressed by the cleverness and creativity you have for resolving customer issues quickly, with empathy, and correctly the first time.
How’d I do?
Thanks so much Rebecca, Raphael and HR Minion for your bravery to be the first to post your efforts!
@Rebecca – There was a guy I worked with years ago who I liked and always complimented but it seemed like he hated me. I found out later that he actually called a potential employer on my behalf (unsolicited, by the way) to recommend me for a job – which I got. So you just never know…
@Raphael – Your compliment made me laugh because I recently had to do a project with a team that had someone like that on it. She was always right about waiting things out too (ie. when we hadn’t received critical info or approval for next steps), but geez I hated how overly calm she was. I like your spin on it!
@HR Minion – I think you nailed it! Your compliment reminded me of a salesperson I managed years ago. He was a complete nightmare in the office and towards fellow staff members, but clients absolutely loved him. I never understood how he could be so in tune with our clients’ needs and treat them so nicely, only to come back to HQ and act like Scrooge (BEFORE he met the ghosts).
Again, thank you for kicking it off! Let’s hope we see some more soon…
Well, I’m over here from Etienne’s and as I like Etienne he’d be the completely wrong person to make a compliment to.
You see, that was a compliment he certainly did not expect.
But then it’s not only HR which has to deal with “difficult” people. Because before they finally come to HR, they come to IT. And I can tell you that we have hell of a hard time dealing with people. One of my suggestions was to train IT Support staff in Emotional Freedom Techniques or post-traumatic stress resolution (“How exactly did you learn about the fact that the email you sent out was not delivered? Can you describe how that reality came to you and which feelings you developed?”), I might pick that up when I can read mails again.
A good compliment can be like Judo – if you are under force and you can actually leverage that force in your favour, that’s quite powerful. A compliment is a good way to do that. “Your analysis is correct, it points out very well that we have missed that deadline. So what do you think needs to happen for us to be successful?” is a mean thing from the beginning to the end. Yes, he (or she) is probably right, yet can’t continue to prod you anymore but has to become cooperative straight away. Now to refuse and say “that’s your problem” is a big no-no which puts immediate discredit onto the person who complained..
@everybody
We’re off to a great start. Thanks for playing along. Now I really need to finish my own contribution.
@gin
Were you afraid I would make you a compliment, so you took preemptive measures
Very interesting challenge. I once had a co-worker whose breath could stop a train, whose voice sounded like broken glass and whose general demeanor was like someone had pissed in his morning coffee. Here’s my compliment to him:
“Jeremy, the client was transfixed by your presentation. Your speech really brought the room to a standstill, and when you leaned in toward the VP to make that final point, she got a whiff of what you were made of. Way to be yourself! You really stuck to your guns and I don’t think they’ll soon forget it.”
The annoying employee I have in mind was:
1) making other people look bad by selectively putting the CEO in copy of some emails
2) not taking other people’s requests seriously and subtly making them understand that they’re idiots
3) blatantly ignoring established HR processes and always managing to look all innocent in the end
My compliment:
I admire your ability to get the CEO’s attention to speed up projects you’re working on or to kill other projects that you consider a waste of time.
You’re very good at saving time by ignoring the processes I’m responsible for. This really pisses me off because it means more headaches for me and wasted time to clean up behind you, but I do respect skill when I see it.
What’s funny is that I wouldn’t want to work with this person again, but it’s always nice to meet him outside of work as he’s witty and the topics we discuss are usually very interesting.
@JT
This was my answer to the challenge. What about you
[...] Most Evil Co-worker Posted in Workplace by sparktalk on August 17th, 2008 I posted the compliment challenge last week – here’s my own response to [...]
[...] week, myself and a fellow HR writer put out a challenge to managers and employees across [...]
Okay, I shall try and hope my brains don’t get incinerated.
Context: Manager who is convinced her employees are getting better benefits than she is (they aren’t, but should), and who believes everyone in HR is out to screw her (we aren’t, but we would like her to go away). These attitudes are in large part responsible for the highest departmental employee turnover rate in our company.
Compliment: You know B, you are very diligent about the application of our policies and procedures as they apply to you and your employees. Your diligence has clarified for your employees exactly how policies are applied to their employment here and what benefits they are eligible for, both things that are important to the positive employment experience we want each of our employees to have.